The Believer

The Believer

(A poem by Sal Godoij.)

The first thing I learned was to speak

To pronounce the words coming out of my mouth correctly

It was taught to me; it didn't come from me

Then, I learned to name things

Everything has a name, I learned

It was taught to me. It didn't come from me

Names were already there, I didn't name anything, then

Then I was taught to pray to God

I learned it, it wasn't born in me

It was taught to me.

Later, I learned to read and write

And the four fundamental arithmetic operations

Addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division

They were taught to me I learned them

They didn't come from me

Much later, I learned about dogma, myths, legends, and symbols

Religions, superstitions, and other beliefs

All of them I learned, all of them carrying their quota

Their quota of reward or punishment

Their quota of fear

All of them sitting on faith, belief, and hope

Nothing in reason, much less in a moral or ethical foundation

Still, I was a believer until the last tear

They were taught to me; they didn't come with me

And thus I learned about heaven and hell

As if either of them was the road to follow, the road to conclusion

These ideas were taught to me; they didn't come from me

Later, much later, I learned about people and friendship

Which was like swimming through diverse levels of water

Clear water, dark water, shallow water, profound water

Yet it came from me; it wasn't taught to me

I learned it

I gained experience, and I grew up experienced

Still, to trust or not to trust was always a problem

And then came love

It came from me; I didn't learn it

Nobody taught it to me

It was born instantaneously

Ah, love blooms in any season; it does not wait for spring

And as a flower withers, so love withers

Love lasted what desire lasted

Desire, I say, like the flame in a candle, the flame lasted

Until consumed by its own flame, the candle lasted

And then my children came

I didn't bring them to this life

They rushed their way through

I was the riverbed; they were the water seeking its course

Commanding it, challenging the riverbed

Thus is the river of life

We all together form it, the river of life

And later, much later, but so soon the season came

To sit and wait and think and wonder

About what could have been and never was

And now everything that I learned, what was taught to me

And all those things that came from me, and those that didn't

Do you see it? So much learning, so many lessons taught and learned

So much came from me

And everything is gone now

It is all gone now, and now it's just me sitting by my porch in a rocking chair

With nothing in me but the shadows of sunset in my eyes

Nothing in me, like when I was born

Alas! And to think I was a believer until the last tear.